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 Post subject: Re: Official Dudeman Thread!
PostPosted: Sat Jun 06, 2015 9:22 am 
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Joined: Sep 17, 2003
Motorcycle: 5 Shadows, 3 Rebels
Rebel: 250
Country: U.S.S.A.
State/Province: NV
City: Las VLX-as
Ah, nothing like the obvious...or at least what should be the obvious. ;)

"Ride Safe, Chop Safer"
Dismantling, sawzalling, and rattle canning does not make a bobber. That's called an "ANCHOR".

 Post subject: Re: Official Dudeman Thread!
PostPosted: Wed Mar 23, 2016 7:25 pm 
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Joined: Jul 25, 2003
Motorcycle: 98 Valkyrie
Rebel: 250
Country: USA
State/Province: GA
City: Vidalia
I have to find a new joke.....

For those of you who don't know, about three years ago I was transferred to another branch of the company one town over to replace the manager there. After a few months, my wife became very ill and I was forced to step down a notch (my wife needed me 60-odd hours a week more than that company needed me sixty-odd hours a week). I'm still there number-twoing, and I rather like it there as opposed to the branch from which I left.

Now I told you that to tell you this:

As this branch is much more rural than the one I left, we have a few things that the other guys don't bother with: mobile home supplies, for example. And fishing supplies.

About two years ago, we began to carry live bait as well. It does surprisingly well, bringing in fisherfolk in such numbers that we even added a section of BassPro branded fishing stuff for the city folk that pass through.

The _day_ that we first began to carry crickets, we had a small snafu attempting to print some in-store code labels. We ended up with something of the order of thirty teeny-tiny barcodes compressed onto a mailing label. :lol: I happened to have taken that off the printer just as the crickets showed up. One of the employees was emptying the crickets into the habitat when a stock lady came by. Being a stock person, she first noticed the tag laying by my hand.

"What the heck is that?"

I had no idea what she was talking about, so I looked about my work station. "Oh; that." I am loathe to miss an opportunity, and without skipping a beat, I picked it up and handed it to her. "That's the barcodes for the crickets."


"The crickets. These are the barcodes."

"Are you serious?"

"You see them, don't you?"

"You want me to put barcodes on the crickets?"

"On their bellies; yes."

"And how am I supposed to do _that_?!"

"Pick them up, flip them over--"

"Oh, HELF NO! NO NO NO NO NO NO NO! I am _not_ going to reach down into that thing and mess with a bunch of nasty crickets! You have lost you mind!" She continued on as she marched away.

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

I saved those few little misprinted labels. And I have used that gag on almost every new employee who has come through. It's really funny how almost _all_ of them assumed I was serious. Not KP, though. She gave me the funniest "yeah; right. Don't bother me" look I've seen in years.

Then there was today....

"Mr. Duke, I got three boxes here that say 'live crickets.' What do I need to do with these?"

"Put them in the cricket habitat over there in the corner."

"Is that what that is?"

"Yes. We don't keep it stocked during the winter because we don't have a reliable way to keep them warm enough to survive out here in the warehouse."

"Okay. So I just dump them in?"

"Yes. Oh, that reminds me!....." I begin fishing around through some of my folders. GAH! Where did I put those things?! Ah; here we go! "You'll need these, Ma'am."

"What's that?"

"That's the barcodes for the crickets."


"Yes. The mail them in a separate envelope so the crickets don't eat them."

"Oh, okay."

I've got on my absolute _straightest_ face, but it's not easy. I'm waiting for the light to come on. It's gonna be great...." :D

She takes the tags and walks off. About ten minutes later, she comes back. "Mr. Duke!" Ah; here it is.... :D

"Yes, Ma'am?"

"They won't stay on!"

"What won't?"

The little stickers. I cut them up, and I'm trying to put them on, but as soon as they start moving, the stickers come off....!"

I had absolutely no idea what to do at that point......

Then J, the current manager happened by. "That's because they sent us greys this time." He 'explained.' "That only works on blacks and browns."

"Well, what do I do for the grey crickets?"

"Stick it up under a wing. It'll be fine."

Now I'm totally losing it on the inside. There's no way she isn't going to figure this out. But dutifully, she turned and went. J looked at me with that "what the heck just happened?" grimace. I returned it.

And about three minutes later, she came back. "that's not working, either. I think it's cause their too excited about getting out of the box. They're breathing really hard and when their little back parts swell up, the stickers come off."

We just looked at each other. Sheepishly, I said "just forget it, C. We'll find some other way to track the sales."

"Oh, I know!" She offered excitedly. You could just make a keyword like "CRICKETS" or something that would ring up the crickets and then you could just type in how many you were selling!" She was very excited, and very pleased with the idea, too."

"yeah.... Yeah, we might have to do something like that..."

Then KP came by, scooped up 25 crickets and turned to leave. "KP!" called C. "They don't have the barcodes on them! I can't get them to stick!"

KP turned, looked at me with a look that would ordinarily have been hilariously disdainful, came around the corner, and-- making sure that C couldn't see, kicked me in the shin. :rofl: "I'll figure something out, C. Then Duke can fix the mess."

"He's going to put in a keyword for the crickets so we can use that." She said, very happy to have been a part of the process.
KP kicked my other shin. "You _really_ need to fix this mess." Then walked off.

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

So practicality or judgement might not be her strong suit, but I can't take _anything_ away from C's loyalty or willingness to do what needs to be done. :lol:

Still, I need to find a new joke, because that one has clearly fizzled.....


"Skills must be Learned"
------ Herb Christian

"Ask your doctor if medical advice from a television commercial is right for _you_."

 Post subject: Re: Official Dudeman Thread!
PostPosted: Wed Mar 23, 2016 9:00 pm 

Joined: Oct 24, 2008
Motorcycle: 2009 Honda Rebel 250
Rebel: 250
Country: USA
State/Province: TX
City: Dallas
Well done, sir!


Loud ties save lives

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