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 Post subject: RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT!!!
PostPosted: Tue Mar 01, 2005 11:27 pm 
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Joined: Jul 25, 2003
Motorcycle: 98 Valkyrie
Rebel: 250
Country: USA
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City: Vidalia
Quote:
Here it is folks: one of the oldest Dudeman stories on this version of the board. Stumbled across it tonight doing some archiving, and I thought it kind of belonged over here in this thread. :mrgreen:



Nope, still don't feel better...



I just finished a marathon session with the 'good' people at Comcast...


Here's the deal---

Anyone using the comcast browser knows that while cable internet may be fast, their browser _ain't_.

So right after we finally went cable, we also went Mozilla. And have been just thrilled to death with it.

In between getting cable and going Mozilla, we used Comcast, complete with the little account and screen name.

Well there is another site that I frequent; one that has been plagued recently by lots of hacking. So it is down and up and down and up and down...

Well I haven't been able to get in for two days, so I figured maybe it was down. But then I remembered that Mozilla does have some minor problems with a small number of sites. I thought that perhaps the other site had upped its security to a point that Mozilla didn't recognize it, so I googled it. Same thing-- not found.

But before giving up, I thought I'd close Mo, and open up slower-than-frozen-gravy Comcast and try one more time. After all, Comcast is essentially IE with a bit of color added. As basic as you can get.

But when I went to log in to Comcast, I get a message that I don't have an account with them. So I click on this button for customer support.

I explain my dillema.

They say "we'll be glad to set you up an account."

I say that I have an account.

They ask me what name it is.

I say DukeBushido@comcast

They say, no; that name is taken.

I say yes, by ME!

They say no, it belongs to someone else.

So I say when did they start this account? When did I start mine?

Why at the exact same moment, it seems!

You know, I don't think I can possibly tell it as good as it happened, so without further ado, here is a cut and past of the choicest parts of the last twenty minutes of the whole fiasco:

Same address?

yes.

Different names?

yes.

Is the other name K or Duke Oliver?

no

Is it Duke Bushido?

I am sorry, but we can't tell you the other name.

Is it Harvey Finklebottom?

no.

Is it Duke Bushido?

I am sorry, we can't tell you the other name.

yeah, I got it. It's Duke Bushido.

We can't tell you the other name sir.

STOP IT! You just told me, but mostly because you are really bad at this job. I just want to know how I get my account back...

Sir, you don't have an account. We have no record of you having an account with us.

Let me try something. Have you got an e-mail address that I can shoot you something to? No attachements; just a mail.

Yes sir. Its {snip}

okay. Here it goes.

Sir, you can't send me an e-mail; you don't have an account.

Did you get an e-mail just now?

no.

Howabout now?

no.

Trust me; you'll get an e-mail. I mistakenly set comcast as my default e-mail shooter thingy. Got it now?

I have an e-mail now, sir, but it is not from you.

Is it from DukeBushido@comcast etc?

I can't tell you that, sir.

Open it. Does it say "Lady, will you now accept that somewhere out here I have an account with you people? My name is Duke Oliver. We have been in IM for twenty minutes. In fact, we are probably talking at this very minute!"? Is that what it says?

we can't tell you that, sir.

It does, doesn't it?

we can't share messages from our clients sir.

yeah, I know.

Let me ask you this: you've got all the gadgets. Do you have a way of knowing if I am on a cable connection?

Sir?

Is there any other cable internet provider within say three hundred miles of me?

No Sir. Comcast is the leading provider nationwide.

Nice plug. You should ask for a promotion. Or at least a promoticon.

So if I am on cable, it pretty much has to be with you, right?

I have no way of knowing if you are on cable, sir.

Aren't you the help desk for Comcast?

Sir?

Can anyone come in here and ask for help?

No sir, only Comcast customers have access to the links to get to this desk.

I see. Are we talking?

Sir?

You and me. Are we talking?

Of course, Sir.

So I have to have an account with comcast, right.

Only comcast customers have access to this desk.

So can you help me get into my account?

I don't show you as having an account, Sir.

Can I get to you if I don't have an account.

No Sir. I explained this to you already, only comcast account holders can access this help desk.

So I can't talk to you without an accout?

that is correct, Sir.

And I am talking to you now?

Yes, Sir.

So can you-- or someone near you, or someone who has only once seen you in a crowded room, or even someone who has never heard of you-- help me get into my suddenly missing account?

You don't have an account, Sir. My records indicate that you have never had an account.

How long do you think it is going to take this to make sense to me?

Is there anything else I can help you with today, Sir?

Uh, exaclty how do figure anything that has transpired here has qualified you to use the term "else" in that question? Doesn't that imply that you have helped me in some way already?

I have confirmed for you that you do not have an account, Sir. Is there anything else that I can do for you today?

So I am inelligible to talk to you, what with not having an account?

Sir?

I don't have an account, so I can't reach you?

If you do not have an account, you cannot gain access to this help desk.

I see. But if I had an account, then I could talk to you, right?

Correct, Sir. I can set up an account for you if you would like. Would you like me to set up an account for you Sir?

And then I could get ahold of you? I mean, if I had any problems?

Yes.

So set me up.

I will need four choices for a screen name Sir.

{snip}

Okay Sir, someone will call you within four days with the information for your account.

Can I ask you one more set of questions?

Yes.

When we first set up our account it took less than three minutes. Why does it now take four days?

When did you set up your account?

about a month ago-- EXACTLY the same moment that Duke Bushido did, if you recall.

I see. And how did you do it?

??

Did you use the software?

Yes. We had to set up the account to complete the installation and registration.

You have registration of the account?

Yes.

Can you confirm for me {snip}


Did you find it this time?

I have found that information.

Is it on my account?

No Sir.

Is it on Duke Bushido's account?

I can't tell you that information Sir.

It is, isn't it?

I cant'e tell you that information Sir.

But it is not on my account?

You don't have an account sir.

But I will in four days?

You should sir.

I _should_? You can't say for sure?

no sir.

When I get my account, I think the first thing that I will do is click on that link to the help desk and see if someone there can help me out of all this mess. I need an account to talk to you, right?

yes sir.

{long pause}

is there anything else I can do for you sir?

There you go with that 'else' nonsense again.

Sir?

Nevermind. No. We are done. And perhaps done for. Thank you for reaffirming my belief in the dolphins. I don't think there is anything 'else' you can do for me.

Thank you sir. Have a good day.

{ends}


So there it is, folks.

Proof that the stupider you are, the more likely you will work in customer service...

but hey-- in a week or so, I should be able to see if my other haunt is still open for business or not!

_________________

Duke
"Skills must be Learned"
------ Herb Christian


"Ask your doctor if medical advice from a television commercial is right for _you_."


Last edited by Duke on Sat Sep 12, 2009 10:07 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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 Post subject: Re: RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT!!!!!!!
PostPosted: Wed Mar 02, 2005 12:25 am 
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Joined: Jul 13, 2004
Country: USA
State/Province: CA
City: Simi Valley
Ok, you guys have been picking on me and California lately, But I have at least four available providers of DSL. So if I had Comcast, I could tell them where to...

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2004 Rebel 250
1987 Rebel 450
1985 Magna 700 (project bike)
Where you look, there you shall go.
Applies to motorcycles, and to life.


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 Post subject: Re: RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT!!!!!!!
PostPosted: Wed Mar 02, 2005 1:40 am 
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Joined: Aug 28, 2003
Country: USA
State/Province: CA
City: San Dimas (la County)
get 'em, gary.

signed,
jeff in california

(who btw, duke, as a pr consultant in his real life, had his gun show client kicked out of the l.a. county fairgrounds by a county supervisor using the show as a political stepping stone -- introduced an ordinance prohibiting sale of guns and ammo on county property, tied up in courts for several years, ended up in a settlement payout to my client because we were winning in the courts, and they moved the show back to texas -- the guy who bought it several years ago was from houston -- he bought it from an old timer in l.a. who started it like 33 years ago. google my name to read more in some old news releases, court docs, etc.)


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 Post subject: Re: RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT!!!!!!!
PostPosted: Sat Mar 12, 2005 7:36 pm 
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Country: USA
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City: Columbus
omg, Duke you've got to be kidding!! Geez, that's just too much!! That's absolutely rediculous. Call them and cuss someone from head to toe. They have a cust. srvc. #?

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 Post subject: Re: RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT!!!!!!!
PostPosted: Sat Mar 12, 2005 8:06 pm 
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Motorcycle: 98 Valkyrie
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Country: USA
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City: Vidalia
yes they do;

and it would seem that I am _way_ ahead of you.

In fact, I didn't stop cussing until the very moment that I had an epiphany:

I have no account with the only cable internet provider in the area!

They only send bills to people with accounts!

I still have cable internet!


Let me wait and see if I get a bill!

So all cussing has stopped for the moment.

I didn't get a bill this month, either.

I still got the net.







:twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: I WIN!!!! :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted:

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Duke
"Skills must be Learned"
------ Herb Christian


"Ask your doctor if medical advice from a television commercial is right for _you_."


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 Post subject: Re: RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT!!!!!!!
PostPosted: Sat Mar 12, 2005 8:32 pm 
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Country: USA
State/Province: GA
City: Columbus
hehe, yeah, so far. Did ya get the name of the wonderfully bright CSR that you were talking with thru Live Chat? IF you get a bill, i'd call up and request her. Then ask her how you got a bill if you're not a member. And 'since you're not a member', you shouldn't be held responsible. People. Sheesh. :)

_________________
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86 cmx250cd Rebel Limited Edition
- - -Keep the rubber down and your hands up - Choppa' Style!!- - -


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 Post subject: Re: RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT!!!!!!!
PostPosted: Sat Mar 12, 2005 8:35 pm 
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City: Columbus
I've been a CSR in the past. I can relate to the whole "can't give that info" schtick. But totally missing the obvious like she did. Don't think I ever worked with someone as dumb as that. She was hopefully reprimanded, or even fired, if the online conversation was logged and read by their QA department. If they have one. Sheesh.

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86 cmx250cd Rebel Limited Edition
- - -Keep the rubber down and your hands up - Choppa' Style!!- - -


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 Post subject: Re: RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT!!!!!!!
PostPosted: Sat Mar 12, 2005 8:37 pm 
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City: Columbus
as an afterthought.. Knology doesn't have a branch anywhere near you? I have them in Columbus, and I've hardly EVER had a prob with them.

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05 Shadow Spirit 750
86 cmx250cd Rebel Limited Edition
- - -Keep the rubber down and your hands up - Choppa' Style!!- - -


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 Post subject: Re: RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT!!!!!!!
PostPosted: Sat Mar 12, 2005 9:00 pm 
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Motorcycle: 98 Valkyrie
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Yo, Dude!

I got free cable and broadband!

Why in the world would I want to switch?!



And yes,
I got her name, screen name, operator number, and zipped a copy of the conversation (cause I ain't as dumb as she was!)

_________________

Duke
"Skills must be Learned"
------ Herb Christian


"Ask your doctor if medical advice from a television commercial is right for _you_."


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 Post subject: Re: RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT!!!
PostPosted: Thu Mar 24, 2005 7:29 pm 
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OMG i read that outloud to my wife and had to stop because of the tears... :lol:

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'83' cm250c custom belt drive
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 Post subject: Official Dudeman Thread!
PostPosted: Fri Nov 10, 2006 11:21 pm 
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Events of this evening reminded me of the discussion of Dudeman in another thread and the mirth that was had by all. To keep that mirth alive, and to get this story off my chest, I offer this, the Official Dudeman Thread!


It's not a joke, per se, but honestly,

I can't think of a better place to put this:


Today, as I was having a torqued-up super-high-stress no-end-in-sight kind of day, I was positively exhausted when the last phone was hung up and the last contractor was chased off the lot...

I finished up some paperwork, locked up my office and crawled out to the bike...

K works tonight, and I just didn't feel like cooking, so I called in a n order to be picked up on my way home. As I came out of the restraunt, I found a guy-- mid thirties, maybe-- oggling my bike and examining the 'wierd' engine (I had ridden the Valk to work today).

He was wearing beat-up army boots, greasy boots, and a battered denim jacket hanging loosely around a black T shirt. A cigarette glowed from under long greasy-looking hair and it was really too dark for the sun glasses he was wearing.

I came up, we talked a minute, and he told me all bout his years on the road and his love of bikes.

And then he said it:

"Dude! I've never seen a Harley like this, Man!"

And then it hit me, all at once:

the MidWestern Harley Davidson logo on the shirt. The Harley logo on the denim jacket. The fact that the only motorcycle near the parking lot-- on a particularly gorgeous night-- was mine...

Oh. Wow. You speak really well for a Dudeman...

At any rate, we continue on:

"I didn't think Harley made a bike this big!"

They don't.

"Oh, Dude! That's a great feeling, hunh, Man? That Big Twin thrumming under you..."

Yeah. All three of them...

He stares blankly at the drive shaft. "Nice mods, Dude!"

The rust pits or the dirt?

"What's that got from the factory? A chain or a belt?"

it came with the same driveshaft you're staring through...

Dudeman continued on, telling me all about his super-bad HD that he _almost_ rode tonight, but for some reason opted for the Chevette with the differently-colored door and fender and nifty HeftyBag tint on one rear window...

But what really got me was right before he finally decided to go inside:

He's fingering the controls, flipping switches, squeezing levers----

then he stopped. He squeezed the brake, then the clutch. Then again. Then he looked concerned and squeezed the clutch a couple more times.

"Dude! You need to get that left brake looked at, Man!"


Uhm, yeah, Dudeman... I'll get right on that... :roll:

_________________

Duke
"Skills must be Learned"
------ Herb Christian


"Ask your doctor if medical advice from a television commercial is right for _you_."


Last edited by Duke on Wed Mar 14, 2007 6:10 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sat Nov 11, 2006 5:02 pm 
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This is good! Sssssssso funny!!!


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sat Nov 11, 2006 8:21 pm 
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Left brake... can't stop laughing...

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sat Nov 11, 2006 10:39 pm 
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Left brake? :twisted: Dude! Man! :roll: How come nobody told me about the left brake?! :shock:


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sun Nov 12, 2006 9:13 am 
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As per dudeman's advice, I have rushed outside to check my left brake, and think perhaps he should squeeze it to give me some advice.

Do you think it's because they didn't use a harley bolt on the left brake caliper? I'd really hate to have the bike pull to the right because the left brake feels funny. 8) :lol:

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dj
"I'm No Expert"
2004 Rebel 250 (sold after 12,903 miles)
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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sun Nov 12, 2006 12:58 pm 
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Funny, but sad too that someone needs to try and fake it and so badly at that.

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sun Nov 12, 2006 3:31 pm 
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Maybe he was used to those Harley scooters, the ones with the CVT and four wheels, and the ford emblem... oh, that's a car...


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sun Nov 12, 2006 4:24 pm 
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Motorcycle: 98 Valkyrie
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heh heh heh heh---


just got back from Brunswick on an errand (oh, and 'shack-- the window of opportunity has closed on everything but one piece) where I shared that with everyone. I am a big believer in timing, and managed to choke six people at once! :lol:



But one thing that all these years of riding has taught me is that _everyone_ runs into Dudeman sooner or later. So go ahead! Tell us your favorite Dudeman story!

_________________

Duke
"Skills must be Learned"
------ Herb Christian


"Ask your doctor if medical advice from a television commercial is right for _you_."


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 Post subject: Harley Dolts (dudeman subspecies ?)
PostPosted: Thu Nov 16, 2006 9:23 am 
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Joined: Jul 25, 2003
Dj wrote:
As per dudeman's advice, I have rushed outside to check my left brake, and think perhaps he should squeeze it to give me some advice.

Do you think it's because they didn't use a harley bolt on the left brake caliper? I'd really hate to have the bike pull to the right because the left brake feels funny. 8) :lol:


thats harley *dolts* ... :lol:

http://www.babeonhd.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=384
MillenniumRebel wrote:
shoulda seen the show when i went into the harley dealer for a horn cover ...

gimme a horn cover - same as on the big twins
just the cover - not the mounting tab bracket
(i even pointed it out on a floor bike)

"that style won't fit your sportster"

it's NOT for the sportster

"it won't fit a disc type horn"

it's NOT a disc horn
it's a standard rams head horn from the auto parts place

"it won't fit on a car"

it's NOT for a car - it's for the rebel

"it won't fit the rebel's disc horn either"

rebel doen't have a disc horn anymore - it has a car horn and it's ugly
are you going to sell me the cover or not ?!?

"it's not going to fit ..."

finally the parts manager came over to see what th ecircus was about and decided to give me a horn cover - take my money - and warn me there is a re-stocking fee when i bring it back cause it won't fit

rrrriiiiggghhhhhttttttt...

went home - put it on (138db low note mega blaster) - rode it back to the shop - dragged those two out to see it ... gee it FIT !?! ... the i beeped it at them - shoulda seen them jump - was LOUDER than any harley horn they ever heard unless it was air horns .... LOL

=====

those covers are specifically designed for a stock standard auto type horn

Image

=================================

ask duke about harley dolts and fun at the hardware store ... LOL


Duke Bushido wrote:
WARNING!

LONG AS ----!

You have been warned.


MillenniumRebel wrote:

=================================

ask duke about harley dolts and fun at the hardware store ... LOL


OH DEAR GOD!

OH DEAR GOD!

----, but I wish I had written that up and kept it!

Folks, here it is:

I had upgraded the horn on my wife's bike, much as MR did his own. I've done this in the past on other rides, but I just never really thought about putting a cover on it.

Well this time it was for a woman who wanted it to look good...

I saw MR's cover, and thought "----; that's a great idea!" So off I went to the different bike shops in the area to see about locating one.

Well no one had one in stock-- they had parts; fancy dress stuff (except pegs bags and grips and a some factory-clone mirrors and sigies) were all special order. Well as much as I like to support my FLIBS, I wanted it in my hands _now_ so I could be done with it. So I sat and thought about it while. Hmmm... I need a shop that is going to have on hand useless tacky chrome crap... AHA! My local Harley dealer!

So off I went in search of a horn cover.

And much like MR, I was met by ignorance:

I need a resonator bell.

A what?

A resonator bell.

Uh-hunh. What's it do?

It's a cover for the horn. A horn cover.

What are you talking about "horn cover?"

I am talking about a resonator bell. It's a big chrome thing-- looks like a beetle shell. Fits between the jugs and covers the horn.

I don't think I've seen one before.

See those thirty bikes over there? They've all got one.

Well I'll be ----! I've never noticed those before... Hey [other ignorant savage], do we sell them there chrome things to cover the horn?

A resonator bell? Sure, we got those. Hang on; let me get my books.... This for a Sportster or a big twin?

Neither. I just need a resonator bell.

Oh. For a Road King?

No. I just want a plain horn cover. Have you got one?

Yeah, sure we got it. I just need to know which one you want.

There isn't a difference! It's just a plain cover with a bracket in the back! Woah-- wait a minute... I may be out of the loop with HD, but is there a Road King that is _not_ a big twin?

No; I don't think so.

I see...

So it ain't for a Sportster or a big twin or for a Road King. OH! Is it for an Indian? I've got a cross-over book around here somewhere..... [begins digging under counter]

No; it's not for an Indian. I tell you what; you bring me one of each and every horn cover you have, and I'll pick the one that I want.

Well I've got to know what it fits so that I know which one you need...

They are universal! They'll fit whatever I ---- well tell them to fit!

No Sir. You see all these catalogues? [gestures at extensive catalogue rack] Well every single model of every single year for every single Harley Davidson ever built has a part number for every single part, and if I don't have that number I can't be sure that I am going to get you the right one. You want it to fit, don't you? You know how many motorcycles Harley Davidson has built in the past hundred years?!!

Yes. Three. The Iron Head 1000cc Sportster, the 883 Sportster and the 1200 high-boy Sportster.

What? Are you crazy in the head or something? There's a dozen Sportsters, and God knows how many Big Twins and Road Kings.

You asked me about motorcycles. Those are hardly motorcycles. Those are ridiculously priced under-powered irrigation pumps wheezing along in a desperate and flatulent attempt to move a pair of wheels.
[editor's note: nothing against the fine folks I have met here, or the pride they have in the improvements they have made to their rides. Please keep in mind that this was directed at one idiot in particular, and the more he ---- me off, the more my opinions came tumbling out...]

I'll tell you what, smart ----! You think you know so much about being a parts man, why don't I just go and get every ---- horn cover in stock and you can tell me which one you _think_ will fit on your bike!

Didn't we cover this ground already? Is there an echo in here, or did the words falling into your empty skull rattle around and finally pour out of your ----?

You just wait right here, smart guy. I'll be back. I hope you know what you're getting into!

[Directed to his disappearing back] So how many have you got in stock?

[fired back over his shoulder, with theatening and powerful overtones] TWO!

You have got to be s---- me. You just have to be ---- me... You have two in stock, and yet you just had to make sure that it would fit my wife's bike? What the ----? Why not just bring them up and let me pick one ten minutes ago?

Well now you're going to have to, ain't you Funny Boy?

Have you ever looked up any part numbers for these?

This is a ---- parts counter, ain't it? [he's still in the shelves rooting around]

Have you ever not had the right one in stock?

---- no! We got customers to think about! You know, some people come in here to get what they need and not just ---- at the people trying to help them customize their freedom [no ----, people-- he said it!]

Have you ever stocked more than two?

What's it matter to you? Worried you might not be as right as you thought?

No; I was wondering how many years you've been doing this without noticing that they all take the same ---- part numbers!

They can't be the same part numbers, Buddy. [dumps ther triumphantly on the counter] They're different!

[And by God, he was right. They were different. One was the plain chrome resonator bell that I wanted. The other was the same thing, with a bar and shield carved into it]

See? Now which one do you need?

I think I'll go with the plain one.

You don't want the bar and sheild?! [he was genuinely surprised] It'll look good on a Harley....

Are we really going to do this again? Are we really going to list all the Harleys so that I can once again say "no, it's not for that?"

Well what are you going to put it on?

It's going on my wife's Vulcan, as a matter of fact. And it is going to be used to cover a horn that I pulled off a nineteen-and-sixty-five Ford Mustang. So go ahead-- look that up in your book and see which cover is for that!

You ----! You can't put that on a Vulcan!

Watch me, Gomer.

[He picked one up and turned it over to expose the mounting hole in the back] You see that hole? Well that Vul-coon [clever boy, this Gomer :roll:] is a Suzuki or something; it's got Japanese bolts. This hole right here, it's only gonna fit on a Harley bolt! [Honest to God, people; he said it, and he meant it]

[I look out the window for my body] Did I die pulling off the road? Was I hit by a car or something? Am I in like some kind of Brain Hell or something? What the --- are you trying to say? That the good people at the Tennesee _Kawasaki_ plant sent away to Japan to get the special bolts that used to put together their bikes?

Well where do you think that Metric ---- comes from?

Well, the system comes from France, actually. The Brittish pushed for it the hardest in the Anglo world, but the Asians-- big fans of order and interchangeability-- went for it full bore early on. The Americans gave in in the 80s in order to remain competitive in foreign markets without having to tool two separate assembly lines for everything they wanted to sell here and abroad. In fact, if you hand me a set of metric wrenches-- maybe that fancy set there behind the glass with the bar-and-sheild stamped in them-- I garauntee I can walk right over to that twin cam and find a bolt that fits every d---- one of them!

You don't know what you're talking about. Harley don't buy no bolts from Japan. This is all American made stuff in here!

Fine. I'll tell you what; when I leave here, I'll stop buy a hardware store and pick up some Harley bolts so that I can mount this piece of tin to my wife's evil demon machine. Would that get me out of here any faster?

[Laughs a bit] Buddy, there ain't but two places you an get Harley bolts! That's right here and at one hardware store over near the county line. But I wouldn't go over there! I've got to buy from him when we run out before our shipment. _MY_ price on them things is almost two bucks apiece!

[I was stunned here, and a bit amused] Are you telling me that you pay two bucks a pop for SAE bolts?!

No; these are Harley bolts, not that imported Metric crap!

Oh-- stainless or chrome or something like that? I didn't think there was a hardware store in town that sold chrome fasteners...

No, these are just the plain Harley bolts! I can't imagine what he'd charge me for chrome! [leans in conspiritorily] That's why we only use him when we run short. We can get them cheaper from the factory warehouse.

So you _are_ paying two bucks a pop for simple grade-five SAE bolts?

NO! Not "SAE;" These are Harley bolts-- in inches and fractions and stuff!

[okay, I had nothing to say here, but the pause was long enough that I thought I should mention it. Finally:] What do you do here? You the head parts guy?

Nope; I'm lead tech and shop foreman and service writer. I just help out on the counter when they get confused because of my experience. [and cussed proud he was when he said that, let me tell you!] Okay, now which of these you want?

Still think the plain one will look the best on the Vulcan...

Your loss. That one's some no-name junk. _This_ one [lifts the 'fancy' model] is the officially lisenced one! HD don't put their name on nothing but the _best_!

Well, I have had bad experiences with cheap chrome. Maybe I can tolerate a bar-and-sheild, at least till she finds something to put over it... [I picked up the 'upgrade' model] What the ----? _This_ is the better one?

Says HD, don't it?

Dude! It's made of plastic! How the ---- can a 'resonator' bell be made of plastic?

Well it don't look like the Motor Company has a problem with it, does it? What makes you think you will? Because it's going on a Jap Jet?

No, actually, I don't think I will have a problem with, because it is going on a nice, smooth, vibration-free well engineered machine that already has a very loud horn. But I can't imagine trying to 'resonate' a horn with a plastic shell, and I ---- sure can't imagine it not breaking right off one of these ---- paint-shakers you call Big Twins! What the ---- are you supposed to do when the ---- bracket breaks and drops your cover on the highway?

Well most folks just buy another one. [and rather smug he was here, too]

You mean this happens? People have bought this piece of garbage, bolted it to their bikes, had them break off, and come in and bought them _again_?

Sure. I sell a couple a month.

Well no wonder you're pushing it...

Well it's got to be better than that other one; it's got the logo.

I wish I thought you were kidding...

like I said, HD don't put their name on nothing but the best! Don't believe me? Look at this! [tinkers with a computer and turns the screen] See? It even costs twenty bucks more than that other one. Quality costs. [again, smug in his stupidity]

No, I think I'll take the plain metal one for twenty-two bucks and go and put it on my wife's bike and spend the rest of the evening shoving pipe cleaners into my brain until this whole incident is behind me...

[Dumb Look] [More dumb look]

[Dumb look continues]


You're a real smart smurf, aren't you?

It helps me to stand out when I am surrounded by dumbasses. Ring me up; I'm leaving.

[I swear, as I was leaving, I heard him say this to green guy:] Dumb-smurf jap-crap mechanic. I bet he's too stupid to pick up a Harley bolt for that tin crap cover he bought, too!

[turned back] I'm pretty sure that there are other things that will fit through this little hole here in the back. The collective IQ of that entire counter, for example. But you're right. I'm gonna go home and call Japan and have them send me a metric bolt that might fit into this Harley hole and hope for the best. Ya'll have a good afternoon, and don't play with anything pointy.

Listen, when you get tired of trying to make it work, come back here and I'll cut you a deal on a couple Harley bolts.


True story folks, as witnessed by several people. How people like this manage to repeatedly find work-- and in this case, working on people's rides!-- is beyond me. ----, how they get their shoes on the right feet is beyond me!

I ain't knocking the whole dealership, but like any other -ship, stupidity can sink it in a hurry.

This story, by the way, is the origin of the "Harley dolts" remark MR made.

Great. Thanks for making me re-live that, MR. Now I wanna go slap something silly...


MillenniumRebel wrote:
MillenniumRebel wrote:

ask duke about harley dolts and fun at the hardware store ... LOL


tell em about when you stopped by the hardware store to check what he was talking about ... :wink:

that whole thing was priceless

Duke Bushido wrote:
Well I ran long on detail with the experience at the stealership, so I kind of cut that part.

But in a nutshell:

As it happens, I had to ride right past the hardware store the 'expert' had reffered me to for "Harley bolts." Burning with curiousity, I stopped in.

I asked about chrome fasteners, socket-heads, and a number of other types of fasteners you might want when working on your bike. And all of my inquiries were met with 'no' or 'try the Harley dealer.'

So I told them my story with the parts counter.

The guy at the Hardware store broke into laughter, and told me _his_ story.

Seems that a long time prior, he had gotten a phone call from the stealership looking for 'Harley bolts.' He offered that they had stainless, but no chrome or anything fancy" Phillips, flat, hex-- no sockets, etc.

The guy on the other end was upset, explaining that he didn't care what the heads were, just that they were "Harley bolts."

Befuddled, the hardware guy says 'run one up here so I can see what you're talking about.'

The stealership did, and it turned out to be (Surprise!) a simple grade five SAE bolt. He went to the shelves to get some, and the guy told him that he didn't want 'any old bolt', but specifically needed Harley bolts.

So the hardware guy tells him to wait a minute, goes into the back, gets a full twenty-pound box of the same bolts and carries them up. He explains that _these_ were rated for use on Harleys, though they were not Milwaukee logo. The guy asks "are you sure that these are rated for HD?"

"Oh yes; you don't pay two bucks apiece for something out of a bolt bin!"

And from that day on-- and I assume right up until the dealer wised up and got some brains behind the counter-- any time they needed bolts at the dealership, they sent a guy out to buy a twenty pound box (can't break a case of Harley bolts-- it's all or nothing, see :lol: ) of whatever bolt they needed at an average cost of two bucks a bolt...


As is so often the case, even a tiny genius will end up feeding on the strongest and most powerful stupid...


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PostPosted: Thu Nov 16, 2006 10:50 am 
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Joined: Nov 2, 2006
Country: USA
State/Province: CA
City: Santa Rosa
This is just too funny.
Truth is stranger than fiction.
it may be long, but I glad you shared it.

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