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 Post subject: I am at a loss....
PostPosted: Tue Jun 06, 2017 9:18 pm 
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Motorcycle: 98 Valkyrie
Rebel: 250
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Honestly, this isn't a big story or even a bit of news or--

well, it's in no way useful at all, to anyone, ever.


It exists here solely so that I may lament with other long-time-married men, who I have no doubt may be able to understand this sort of situation. Ah, well perhaps it will serve as an example of what to prepare for should any single-but-interested men happen to stumble across it. Doubt it, though: I had _tons_ of warnings, and I did it anyway. :D


I miss potatoes. I miss them horribly. Growing up poor(er than I am now), they were a staple of my diet. Potatoes were in some way part of nearly every meal. Honestly, it took a _lot_ of work (after getting married, anyway), to be able to go three or four days without a potato. :(

Rice has been a big help, but .... well, rice doesn't have potato in it, or that delicious paper-thin rind upon it. Still, the wife hates potatoes, so rice it is. After all these years of marriage, I have become quiet adept at cooking rice and rice dishes, to the point that the kids commented to my wife some weeks ago: "_You're_ making the rice? But Dad's rice is so much _better_...."

And it was _on_. Within days, we have dinner guests, and she lays out a wondrous meal, focusing on rice side dishes. Of particular satisfaction to her were the comments on her spanish rice, which disappeared quickly (she _is_ pretty good at it, even if she insists that black beans are somehow important to it). As she's clearing up, a couple of the guests ask the typical "what's your secret?" questions.

I try to be a good husband. I think most husbands do, really. It's a rare wife indeed who seems to notice, but we try. I can see that my wife is busy, and it's hard to carry on a conversation while you're policing the table and washing up, so I rise to the occasion: "Finely ground dried tomatoes and just a bit of chicken broth!" I'm so helpful. :)

For some reason that I _still_ don't quiet get, this completely honest answer is, apparently, the _wrongest possible_ answer, and once everyone has gone home and we have settled in for the evening I am instructed in such a way as to make absolutely certain that I will never forget that telling the truth is a horrible, horrible crime against the sanctity of our relationship.


Then it's my turn, apparently. Same folks, a couple of weeks later-- just a few hours ago, actually. A couple of the same dishes, a few different ones.

My spanish rice is also extremely well-recieved, and is met again with the "what is your secret?" question.

Well I'm no fool, and I learn my lessons well. With a casual wink and a quick dart of the hand, I snag an empty beer bottle from the table and hold it under the dog's gaping mouth, catching some of the drool he's patiently excreting in the hopes of any left-over bites of venison. (Deer and goat: he can't seem to get enough of either. Granted, I'm not sure I could, either ;) )

Having caught some of his errant oral fluids, I snap an almost-straight cap back onto the bottle and announce "you need about four ounces of that."


And this, my fellow married men, is where---

well you know the situation. The truth was evil and vile and any other anagrams that mean "completely wrong." But so was lying! :gaah: There is just no winning after getting married: everything you do is not only wrong, but as wrong as it is possible to be!

I just don't understand it.


The worst part is that you'd _think_ she'd be _thrilled_! Not only did I remember my lesson and act upon it with absolutely no prompting from her, but our guests were _much_ more interested in her recipe than they were in mine.


Let this be a warning, single men:

I won't tell you not to get married, but I will tell you this: make absolutely certain that having her in your life everyday from now till forever is one-hundred-percent worth always being wrong, and always being, as far as she will ever figure, a complete moron with every thought or deed until the day you die.

So far, it has been, really, but I'll be hanged if it isn't indescribably frustrating now and again.

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"Skills must be Learned"
------ Herb Christian


"Ask your doctor if medical advice from a television commercial is right for _you_."


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 Post subject: Re: I am at a loss....
PostPosted: Tue Jun 06, 2017 9:30 pm 
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Motorcycle: Rebel 250 plus a few others
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And she doesn't like potatoes? That would be a serious problem around here too. It's hard to beat a baked potato with the skin on.

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2003 BMW K1200GT
2004 BMW R1200GS
1996 Ducati 900SS
1973 Norton 850 Interstate


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 Post subject: Re: I am at a loss....
PostPosted: Wed Jun 07, 2017 8:45 am 
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Consolation? from today's Ziggy:

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 Post subject: Re: I am at a loss....
PostPosted: Wed Jun 07, 2017 2:13 pm 
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Sounds like it is past time for you to leave the rice cooking and discussions of it to her, and take up cooking potatoes when it is your turn in the kitchen. Then you can both talk about what you like. :)


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 Post subject: Re: I am at a loss....
PostPosted: Wed Jun 07, 2017 9:42 pm 
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Motorcycle: 2005
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Country: usa
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Spouse likes cauliflower. I hate it. I still buy it for him. He can cook his own! But I get the rice thing. I'm really trying to cut down on the number of 'taters I eat. I've pretty much given up pasta, if I had to give up potatoes I might as well just end it all.


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 Post subject: Re: I am at a loss....
PostPosted: Thu Jun 08, 2017 4:15 am 
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My Dear Wife LOVES potatoes, as I do, too, but my joy at hearing that they are on the evening menu at home is tempered by the knowledge that "your's truly" will have to mess with PEELING all of them! (Dear Wife would rather eat cardboard than a potato skin!). If she'd be OK with me buying LARGER, NORMAL potatoes instead of the egg-sized, overpriced "organic food scam" potatoes, I wouldn't mind.
She offers to peel them, but her health isn't very good any more and I wouldn't dream of letting her peel them.
I just count my blessings, quit grumbling, and get to peeling & slicing. Then eat-em-up!


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 Post subject: Re: I am at a loss....
PostPosted: Fri Jun 09, 2017 7:15 pm 
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Motorcycle: 98 Valkyrie
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Dude!

There are at least two ways I know of to peel them near instantly (the advantage of several family members having served in the military when cooking was done by the military instead of civil servants ;) )

The most common one is to cut an "equator" of sorts through the peel all the way around and then boil them, and while they are still hot dump the water and ice them. Literally dump them in ice water, and toss a little ice on top for good measure. Pull them (one at a time) from the ice and the skin can literally be snatched right off.

The more innovative one:
You can peel them in like a minute (if you're so disturbingly inclined. Peel's the best part! ;) ) if you've got a cordless drill. There are other brushes such as lint brushes, etc, but the only guy I can find online doing it is using a brand-new (I really, really hope) toilet brush:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uo7K6CUCudU

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Duke
"Skills must be Learned"
------ Herb Christian


"Ask your doctor if medical advice from a television commercial is right for _you_."


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 Post subject: Re: I am at a loss....
PostPosted: Fri Jun 09, 2017 7:41 pm 
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Motorcycle: Rebel 250 plus a few others
Rebel: 250
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City: Fredericton
I just throw my unpeeled potatoes in the oven at 400 degrees for a few minutes and bake them. Then the peels come right off . Alternatively I just slice and mash them up with the peels still on there. As Duke says the peel is the best part to eat with some butter or margarine on it. Baked potatoes just have more flavor than boiled IMO. YMMV.

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2004 Honda Rebel 250
2003 BMW K1200GT
2004 BMW R1200GS
1996 Ducati 900SS
1973 Norton 850 Interstate


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 Post subject: Re: I am at a loss....
PostPosted: Fri Jun 09, 2017 7:49 pm 
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Motorcycle: 98 Valkyrie
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City: Vidalia
Duckster wrote:
Baked potatoes just have more flavor than boiled IMO. YMMV.


With the exception of soup and coffee, I think this is pretty much the case with anything. :)

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Duke
"Skills must be Learned"
------ Herb Christian


"Ask your doctor if medical advice from a television commercial is right for _you_."


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 Post subject: Re: I am at a loss....
PostPosted: Sat Jun 10, 2017 12:17 pm 
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Duke- Thanks for the potato peeling tips! Never know what you can learn here! Will give them a try. I personally like eating the potato peels, but it's a 100% "no deal" for Dear Wife. She says- "Might as well eat the banana peel along with the banana, too"!


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 Post subject: Re: I am at a loss....
PostPosted: Sun Jun 11, 2017 3:27 pm 
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Wait.

Are you saying that she doesn't eat banana peels either?!

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Duke
"Skills must be Learned"
------ Herb Christian


"Ask your doctor if medical advice from a television commercial is right for _you_."


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 Post subject: Re: I am at a loss....
PostPosted: Sun Jun 18, 2017 9:08 pm 
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Motorcycle: 2016 Honda Rebel
Rebel: 250
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State/Province: AZ
City: Chandler
I was married. For 8 long years. I am now happily divorced, and will forever remain that way. My 2 daughters are grown now. the oldest is 28 and married. There is no doubt women get a lot more out of marriage than men do. Everything I did was wrong. Everything I said was wrong. I was told what I could do and couldn't do. I tried to hang on because of the kids, but finally couldn't take it anymore. After the divorce I had to pay double child support. The court ordered child support did not get spent on the kids like it was supposed to. My EX spent it on herself. So I had to buy the kids what they needed. I was fortunate that I got them way more than what the judge decided. Their mother like to party, and often saw me as a free baby sitter. I tried to teach them the difference between right and wrong, good and bad, how to be responsible, etc. but when they went back to their mother they would tell her what I said, and she would tell them not to listen to me because I was wrong. I think marriage is a disaster for most men. I got years of misery and two wonderful kids out of it. My ex is extremely jealous that I have a much better relationship with the kids than she does. I always figured all those years she neglected them would come back to bite her, and it did, big time.

Fortunately many men are beginning to see the truth, there is a growing movement out there among men, called MGTOW (men going their own way) who are tired of being abused by women. If you are happily married, consider yourself lucky. But pay attention to just how often things go your way. It won't likely be very often. Yeah, they let you make a few small decisions, but they seem to make all the big ones. Just about every man I know is either divorced or has been divorced, and then turned around and made the same mistake again.

There is a joke I saw on another motorcycle forum. "If a man speaks in the forest, and there is no woman there to hear him, is he still wrong?"

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"Obsolete doesn't mean it isn't any good, it just means it isn't made anymore"
"New vehicles move the body,old vehicles move the soul"
"If you understand, no explanation is necessary. If you don't, no explanation is possible"


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 Post subject: Re: I am at a loss....
PostPosted: Mon Jun 19, 2017 6:36 pm 
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Motorcycle: 2014 CB500XA
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Country: USA
State/Province: AZ
City: Green Valley
Some of us have been lucky, Jerry.

Even if the first marriage went bust, the second one has lasted 49 years and I still appreciate her values and commitment. She helped me get the CB500XA picked up last Friday after it fell over (soft ground, small kickstand foot) and I popped my back out trying to lift it while it slid on the front wheel. She got the mailman to help her. Her only reproach was that I should be careful and heal quickly so that she didn't have to take my mother to doctors appointments. ;-)

_________________
John, 2014 CB500XA (Daily Rider), 2009 CRF230L (L'il Red Piglet), 1989 NX250 - sold, 2001 Rebel - sold; first bike was a gently used 1958 Matchless G2 (250 thumper)
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 Post subject: Re: I am at a loss....
PostPosted: Mon Jun 19, 2017 8:18 pm 
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Joined: Jul 25, 2003
Motorcycle: 98 Valkyrie
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City: Vidalia
Jerry, my man, I am truly and genuinely sorry that you had such a bad experience with marriage. Moreover, I'm not going to tell you that you're wrong, because you lived it and I didn't.

But I can tell you that it's not the most common case. I am so very, very happily married that I enjoy sharing anecdotes of frustration simply because their rarity, their oddity, and their almost invariable triviality in my own marriage makes them all the more amusing to me when they happen, and if there's one thing I _love_ to share, it's a good laugh. :D

Had I not met my wife when I did, it's a better-than-safe bet that jail time would be the only thing that kept me alive: I know who I was, where I was headed, and how that tends to run for most folks.

To be as honest and open with you and anyone else reading this, if I had it all to do all over again, the only thing I would change is that I would want to be different is that I would want to have met her twenty years sooner than I did. I don't know the sort of person that other people view me to be, and like anyone else, I likely never really will. But I know the sort of person that I actually am, and I'm really happy being that sort. And I know that it didn't happen until she became the most important thing in the world to me. I spent a lot of time being miserable-- not just in how I felt, but actually _being_ a miserable person: miserable to know, miserable to be around-- just miserable, counting off each day as one less that I had to endure.

Now I wish I could live forever, just for the promise that I would be with her as long as possible.

I don't say that to sound mushy, stupid, or insinuate _anything_; I really don't. I only offer it in the hopes that it keeps you from letting your horrible experience color your world.

Forgive, man. It doesn't hurt you in the least. And if it helps, remember that as much as you love your kids, you wouldn't have them without her.

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Duke
"Skills must be Learned"
------ Herb Christian


"Ask your doctor if medical advice from a television commercial is right for _you_."


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 Post subject: Re: I am at a loss....
PostPosted: Tue Jun 20, 2017 6:13 am 
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Motorcycle: Suzuki Gsf1250
Rebel: 450
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City: Rusagonis
Jerry: It's great that people no longer feel obliged to remain in failed relationships. The institution of marriage evolved around a time when people didn't live for 80 or 90 years and those relationships often lasted only til the children were semi-adults because people died in their 30s. I've seen situations within my own circle where two unsuited people broke up and both went on to form much happier couples with others. So, instead of two miserable people, we have four happy people. One of those win-win-win-win situations. And yes, there are plenty of people who are happiest on their own. I must confess that I find it hard to judge people who find lifetime monogamy difficult.
But I'm one of the lucky ones. Only one marriage, coming up to 45 years this fall. I'd say I chose wisely, but at 20, it was just plain luck. I married a woman who already had a motorcycle and very low expectations. And each year, she lowers them further, and each year, I just slip over the bar. :D
But at the end of the day, I'm happy for you that your chosen lifestyle suits you.
brent

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